gawd!

does anyone else ever just freak out!?!?!
like i look at my life sometimes and FREAK! where am i going, what am i doing?
what do i need to change? OMG! OMG!
maybe it's because i have made so many poor choices that i don't trust myself. so many times i have "woken up" and realized i was in the WAYYYYY wrong spot! i fear it may happen again! i feel like i'm being choked!
ugh!
then i realize, i am not trapped anywhere. i have free choice! =-) yay!
take a deep breath!
i have a doctor appt next week. i really can't wait! i have been off anti depressants for 6 months or so. it has been tough! it is like dealing with another person in your head, who doesn't have many nice things to say and is depressed a lot and can't see the light at the end of the tunnel! not fun! not to mention, my hormones are all jacked and pain levels are up. anti depressants help with all of that!
6 more days!