deepak chopra was on ellen yesterday and his insights are amazing.
when we are positive our whole cell structure changes as opposed to being stressed or negative. and it's not just our attitude but what we surround ourselves with. if we hear something bad or are around negative things our cell structure makes the same changes.
i will even take it a step further. i am sensitive to colors, objects, light, dust etc.
my surroundings have to be positive or i feel a negative affect.
i can't understand why people have electronics in their bedrooms, or watch tv in bed, or watch news right before bed.
????? it gives me heart palpitations.
it affects my dreams.
dr. oz says that electronics and red light clocks keep your brain active if they are in you bedroom and affect your sleep.
get em out!
Wednesday, October 28, 2009
Tuesday, October 27, 2009
my man...
i love my man so much! =-)
i am so grateful to have found him?
wanna hear the story?
ok
i was working for cathy silvers a.k.a. "jenny picollo" from happy days. she was/is a raw vegan and she had this raw vegan festival to do in phoenix. az for the weekend. i went with her as her personal assistant.
it was at a ramada resort...gorgeous! while all the raw foodies were hangin out i was in the bar eating chickenstrips and drinkin martinis. lol
i have been vegan off and on throughout my life...but not then.
anyway, a guy went by the booth while i was off on one of my heathen binges and met cathy. she invited him to her last demo of the last day in the last hour.
he came.
dyring the demo i noticed this guy video taping her demo and he turned it on me a few times. i remeber walking behind him to take some pix and thinking...who is this guy?
anyway, after the demo, cathy went to go sign some books and schmooz. i was left to finish the demo and clean up. as i was serving some food that guy came up to me and hip bumped me and said "hi".
i turned thinking...>-( whatthe heck!?!?! but couldn't help but smile.
he offered to help and did. =-) i noticed he was very good with a big knife. and i said...wow, you seem to know what you are doing...he said...i used to be a chef.
after serving, he stayed to help clean up too. (wow)
he asked my raw foodie name and i didn't have one. everyone there went by goji or gojiberrie or sunshine or something. he said, well i am mango. i said...well i have always called myself tofuticutie. he said...thats it! tofuti. i like it!
i got a little frazzled cuz i had to pack everything up and we had to catch a shuttle in 45 minutes. i remember looking at him, telling him i was uncomfortable with him helping cuz i wasn't used to it. he took a peice of luggage and disappeared for abit to let me gather myself. =-)
we met up again and put our luggage in a storage closet and we had about 30 mintues until our shuttle.
he asked if he could hang with us.
we walked around saying goodbye to people and in that time, he took pix of us, i took one of him (a poor quality one) he watched us do one last dance to drums, and i found he had been raw vegan for about 6 months and had lost 60 pounds. he also worked in alaska on a fishing boat for 2 years. i also got his number because we were gonna collaborate on something for cathy. he said he had a girlfriend too but i remember sensing there was something off when he said it.
it was time to catch our shuttle and he helped us pack up, cathy went to the van. i turned to say goodbye to him and could only smile. he kept kissing me on my cheeks and hugging me over and over. i walked away and turned around one last time and as i looked at him i distinctly remember thinking....he's the one.
i went to the shuttle and said...i REALLY like him! cathy said to me...you are gonna marry him someday!
i smiled in silence. i felt she was right but who really knew!
when cathy and got to the airport we realized we had forgotten a piece of luggage so i called him and we chatted abit.
over the next year and a half we texted off and on. we talked around xmas of 2007 i remember. i asked about his girlfreind cuz i kinda had senses they wouldn't make it. they were off and on i found out.
finally around summer we were texting alot and i told him i was gonna come visit. he was totally down. i original planned to go in october to see the balloon festival but had to delay it a couple times due to car trouble. in that time i found out he no longer had a girlfriend and was stearing clear of them.
i ended up goingout in december, right before xmas.
it was AMAZING!
leading up to the visit, i told one of my friends...i REALLY like this guy. this trip is gonna make or break me, i can tell. i am going to be VERY disappointed if things don't work out with him.
the weird thing was, i didn't have anything to base it on. it was just a gut feeling.
and our texting chemistry...lol
we had such a good time on my visit. we literally fell in love. he asked me at one point, when do you think you will come back? i said...when do you want me to come back? he said...i want you to move here and be my girlfreind, i think i love you!
i said...i think i love you too.
there is more...i will continue later. =-)
i am so grateful to have found him?
wanna hear the story?
ok
i was working for cathy silvers a.k.a. "jenny picollo" from happy days. she was/is a raw vegan and she had this raw vegan festival to do in phoenix. az for the weekend. i went with her as her personal assistant.
it was at a ramada resort...gorgeous! while all the raw foodies were hangin out i was in the bar eating chickenstrips and drinkin martinis. lol
i have been vegan off and on throughout my life...but not then.
anyway, a guy went by the booth while i was off on one of my heathen binges and met cathy. she invited him to her last demo of the last day in the last hour.
he came.
dyring the demo i noticed this guy video taping her demo and he turned it on me a few times. i remeber walking behind him to take some pix and thinking...who is this guy?
anyway, after the demo, cathy went to go sign some books and schmooz. i was left to finish the demo and clean up. as i was serving some food that guy came up to me and hip bumped me and said "hi".
i turned thinking...>-( whatthe heck!?!?! but couldn't help but smile.
he offered to help and did. =-) i noticed he was very good with a big knife. and i said...wow, you seem to know what you are doing...he said...i used to be a chef.
after serving, he stayed to help clean up too. (wow)
he asked my raw foodie name and i didn't have one. everyone there went by goji or gojiberrie or sunshine or something. he said, well i am mango. i said...well i have always called myself tofuticutie. he said...thats it! tofuti. i like it!
i got a little frazzled cuz i had to pack everything up and we had to catch a shuttle in 45 minutes. i remember looking at him, telling him i was uncomfortable with him helping cuz i wasn't used to it. he took a peice of luggage and disappeared for abit to let me gather myself. =-)
we met up again and put our luggage in a storage closet and we had about 30 mintues until our shuttle.
he asked if he could hang with us.
we walked around saying goodbye to people and in that time, he took pix of us, i took one of him (a poor quality one) he watched us do one last dance to drums, and i found he had been raw vegan for about 6 months and had lost 60 pounds. he also worked in alaska on a fishing boat for 2 years. i also got his number because we were gonna collaborate on something for cathy. he said he had a girlfriend too but i remember sensing there was something off when he said it.
it was time to catch our shuttle and he helped us pack up, cathy went to the van. i turned to say goodbye to him and could only smile. he kept kissing me on my cheeks and hugging me over and over. i walked away and turned around one last time and as i looked at him i distinctly remember thinking....he's the one.
i went to the shuttle and said...i REALLY like him! cathy said to me...you are gonna marry him someday!
i smiled in silence. i felt she was right but who really knew!
when cathy and got to the airport we realized we had forgotten a piece of luggage so i called him and we chatted abit.
over the next year and a half we texted off and on. we talked around xmas of 2007 i remember. i asked about his girlfreind cuz i kinda had senses they wouldn't make it. they were off and on i found out.
finally around summer we were texting alot and i told him i was gonna come visit. he was totally down. i original planned to go in october to see the balloon festival but had to delay it a couple times due to car trouble. in that time i found out he no longer had a girlfriend and was stearing clear of them.
i ended up goingout in december, right before xmas.
it was AMAZING!
leading up to the visit, i told one of my friends...i REALLY like this guy. this trip is gonna make or break me, i can tell. i am going to be VERY disappointed if things don't work out with him.
the weird thing was, i didn't have anything to base it on. it was just a gut feeling.
and our texting chemistry...lol
we had such a good time on my visit. we literally fell in love. he asked me at one point, when do you think you will come back? i said...when do you want me to come back? he said...i want you to move here and be my girlfreind, i think i love you!
i said...i think i love you too.
there is more...i will continue later. =-)
the black spots
so last month i was talking to my friend in los angeles and sharing one of my psychic experiences with her. she asked me if there was anything i needed to tell her...i thought about it and said...nope!
later on i *saw* a black spot around her ovaries and senses a deep sadness.
the spot was on one side but i do not remember which side.
i didn't say anything cuz, i don't know what it means and i certainly don't want to scare anyone!
this morning i was chatting with her and she mentioned being down lately and was going to see the dr. regarding it.
i told her what i saw last month.
her response was....you are amazing! i went to the gynecologist last month because my last 2 paps were abnormal, there are no cancer cells though.
i was relieved. perhaps she having hormones issues stemming from one of her ovaries.
???
don't have a definite answer yet, however more interesting to me is that i *saw* it.
i'm actually scared a little bit.
AND i *saw* it from 1000 miles away.
i need to learn more about this.
later on i *saw* a black spot around her ovaries and senses a deep sadness.
the spot was on one side but i do not remember which side.
i didn't say anything cuz, i don't know what it means and i certainly don't want to scare anyone!
this morning i was chatting with her and she mentioned being down lately and was going to see the dr. regarding it.
i told her what i saw last month.
her response was....you are amazing! i went to the gynecologist last month because my last 2 paps were abnormal, there are no cancer cells though.
i was relieved. perhaps she having hormones issues stemming from one of her ovaries.
???
don't have a definite answer yet, however more interesting to me is that i *saw* it.
i'm actually scared a little bit.
AND i *saw* it from 1000 miles away.
i need to learn more about this.
Monday, October 12, 2009
cat
so, my firend libby found out i wanted a cat. we were having a little mouse problem so i thought... a cat! i just wanted an outside cat. turns out she catches ferral cats and "domesticates" them which basically means, spay and neuters them and finds them a home.
so, she brings over "cat".
i was warned...he is ferral, wild, will run away, needs to be kept in a cage for a month to aclimate...etc, etc.
within the first 10 minutes of being here he was rubbing up on my legs and purring. within a week i had him out of a cage and with in a month he had rid HIMSELF of ALL of his dreadlocks and was eating eggs, tofu and ice cream off our plates.
IMPOSTER!
at any rate...i just couldn't name him.
i realized that he was a wild cat, a vistior, we just gave him a warm, safe home and to name him would be an imposition on him. he didn't ask to be here!
thus...."cat"!
that is his name.
people don;t seem to understand the abscence of a name. they have said it is weird, seems unloving...etc.
i TRIED to name him but nothing fit.
i started reading this new book called "awakening to your lifes purpose" and the author put words to a sentiment of mine.
"Words put a hypnotic spell on you...The fact is...words cover up mystery with a label. Things have unfathomable depth. Underneath the appearnace of every creature and thing, is a being and a connection to a living source. When we attach a label, it conjures an image that doesn;t include the "BEING" of the object or thing."
it was all clear to me!
cat, was cat!
i don't know where he came from, why he was ferral, what he has been through. i just know that he is here, with us and is happy.
he may have been named before. i don't know, so i surely was not going to RE- name him.
so, cat, is "Cat".
so, she brings over "cat".
i was warned...he is ferral, wild, will run away, needs to be kept in a cage for a month to aclimate...etc, etc.
within the first 10 minutes of being here he was rubbing up on my legs and purring. within a week i had him out of a cage and with in a month he had rid HIMSELF of ALL of his dreadlocks and was eating eggs, tofu and ice cream off our plates.
IMPOSTER!
at any rate...i just couldn't name him.
i realized that he was a wild cat, a vistior, we just gave him a warm, safe home and to name him would be an imposition on him. he didn't ask to be here!
thus...."cat"!
that is his name.
people don;t seem to understand the abscence of a name. they have said it is weird, seems unloving...etc.
i TRIED to name him but nothing fit.
i started reading this new book called "awakening to your lifes purpose" and the author put words to a sentiment of mine.
"Words put a hypnotic spell on you...The fact is...words cover up mystery with a label. Things have unfathomable depth. Underneath the appearnace of every creature and thing, is a being and a connection to a living source. When we attach a label, it conjures an image that doesn;t include the "BEING" of the object or thing."
it was all clear to me!
cat, was cat!
i don't know where he came from, why he was ferral, what he has been through. i just know that he is here, with us and is happy.
he may have been named before. i don't know, so i surely was not going to RE- name him.
so, cat, is "Cat".
Sunday, October 11, 2009
pain cont'd...
it feels like i am on fire, ice cold and getting electricuted all at the same time...the pain is in layers as well.
Saturday, October 10, 2009
pain....
ALOT of pain.. the last 3 weeks!
i wish people could grasp the amount of pain i get in sometimes.
i DOUBT they do. people will say...oh i understand. i don't think the majority of them do.
every muscle hurts, burns, is sore and feels bruised. i feel every sore tendon, the fascia of my muscles hurts (that is the sheathing of your muscles) i feel a constant burning and ache in seemingly every muscle. i have osteo arthritis in my lower back from multiple car accidents and according to my last dr. i am developing arthritis in my wrists and hand.
sometimes i feel like i have been strung up like a scare crow. it feels as if i have rods jammed through me and i can feel them, and the burn.
generally on a decent day i have a pain level of 6 or 7 ( on a scale of 1-10) which i have learned to cope with. but on certain days, or like the past 3 weeks, i have been more like a 8 or 9. i have not learned to cope with that.
i fight tears often.
i REFUSE to be a debbie downer, as my sister would say, because i don't want my negative energy bleeding onto other people, especially the ones i love.
i have found that whether i am at a 6 or a 9 level of pain i can still do the same activities with no harmful affect BUT, at a level 8 or 9, my will fades. i get depressed and desperate at times. i want out of pain NOW!!!!
that is where i am today...
i wish people could grasp the amount of pain i get in sometimes.
i DOUBT they do. people will say...oh i understand. i don't think the majority of them do.
every muscle hurts, burns, is sore and feels bruised. i feel every sore tendon, the fascia of my muscles hurts (that is the sheathing of your muscles) i feel a constant burning and ache in seemingly every muscle. i have osteo arthritis in my lower back from multiple car accidents and according to my last dr. i am developing arthritis in my wrists and hand.
sometimes i feel like i have been strung up like a scare crow. it feels as if i have rods jammed through me and i can feel them, and the burn.
generally on a decent day i have a pain level of 6 or 7 ( on a scale of 1-10) which i have learned to cope with. but on certain days, or like the past 3 weeks, i have been more like a 8 or 9. i have not learned to cope with that.
i fight tears often.
i REFUSE to be a debbie downer, as my sister would say, because i don't want my negative energy bleeding onto other people, especially the ones i love.
i have found that whether i am at a 6 or a 9 level of pain i can still do the same activities with no harmful affect BUT, at a level 8 or 9, my will fades. i get depressed and desperate at times. i want out of pain NOW!!!!
that is where i am today...
Friday, October 9, 2009
the graveyard
So me and michael went to the graveyard in sante fe last week with his friends from san diego.
he wanted to see his dad's gravemarker to pay respects and bring his kids and wife there.
i sensed, emptiness, sadness, helplessness, duty, and abit of fear from him and michael as well.
the whole experience made me question my own beliefs.
the belief of the masses brings NO real answers or comfort.
people "deal" with death but don't really get satisfactory answers as to what happens after death or any hope for the future for themselves or comfort for dealing with their grief. i put myself in their shoes and grieve for the living more so than the dead because there is no sufficient answers in traditional religion and belief systems. their "BELIEFS" are more accurately...just what they have been told and they think it should bring them comfort, but they don't question it further and if they do, they don't find any different answer.
having grown up a jehovah's witness i can honestly say that in comparison to other religions i found a REAL answer to these questions, which leaves me in a dilemna.
if people would REALLY look at the bible they would find that what they have been taught isn't even taught in the bible. leaving them at a severe disadvantage.
the idea of "heaven" some what "comforts" people but it is just a "teaching" not necessarily an accuracy!!!
my dilemna then is.... i do not currently belong to a religion and therefore do not neccesarily subscribe to ANY religious teching, BUT, i find that what i have been taught as a witness is more accurate than any other belief i have come across and provides a comfort that i do not see experienced by others.
i find my mind wandering as well...what if i die and leave michael and my kids behind? will i regret not sharing my belief with them?
what if one of them dies? will i regret not sharing my belief with them?
however, because i do not belong to this religion i have been stripped of the privilege of sharing the teachings of it. so i stay quiet out of respect for the god i was raised to believe in.
i am looking for a satisfactory answer.
is belonging to a religion that teaches accuracies of the bible worth being a part of if on the other hand it allows abuses in families and marriages? if so, do i sacrifice my values for a peice of paradise or do i stick to my values and sacrifice my place in that paradise?
still pondering....
he wanted to see his dad's gravemarker to pay respects and bring his kids and wife there.
i sensed, emptiness, sadness, helplessness, duty, and abit of fear from him and michael as well.
the whole experience made me question my own beliefs.
the belief of the masses brings NO real answers or comfort.
people "deal" with death but don't really get satisfactory answers as to what happens after death or any hope for the future for themselves or comfort for dealing with their grief. i put myself in their shoes and grieve for the living more so than the dead because there is no sufficient answers in traditional religion and belief systems. their "BELIEFS" are more accurately...just what they have been told and they think it should bring them comfort, but they don't question it further and if they do, they don't find any different answer.
having grown up a jehovah's witness i can honestly say that in comparison to other religions i found a REAL answer to these questions, which leaves me in a dilemna.
if people would REALLY look at the bible they would find that what they have been taught isn't even taught in the bible. leaving them at a severe disadvantage.
the idea of "heaven" some what "comforts" people but it is just a "teaching" not necessarily an accuracy!!!
my dilemna then is.... i do not currently belong to a religion and therefore do not neccesarily subscribe to ANY religious teching, BUT, i find that what i have been taught as a witness is more accurate than any other belief i have come across and provides a comfort that i do not see experienced by others.
i find my mind wandering as well...what if i die and leave michael and my kids behind? will i regret not sharing my belief with them?
what if one of them dies? will i regret not sharing my belief with them?
however, because i do not belong to this religion i have been stripped of the privilege of sharing the teachings of it. so i stay quiet out of respect for the god i was raised to believe in.
i am looking for a satisfactory answer.
is belonging to a religion that teaches accuracies of the bible worth being a part of if on the other hand it allows abuses in families and marriages? if so, do i sacrifice my values for a peice of paradise or do i stick to my values and sacrifice my place in that paradise?
still pondering....
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