all i do is bitch...

it seems all of my latest posts have been beefs about something!
i have been in a funk though. i'm so tired of it!
i've been in a lot of pain...like on the verge of tears, pain. thats no fun.
that makes me moody too. like, i have no tolerance for anything.
BLAH!
off the top of my head...i feel lonely, i miss my friends and sister in l.a.
i'm sick of not having money, i want to work more, i'm tired of not being able to help michael with more bills, i'm sick of fox news!
it is so strange living in a completely new place. everything is new and unfamiliar. EVERYTHING! and it get's to be a lot sometimes. people are different here too! people dress different, live different, drive different, talk different. thats hard sometimes.
so, to put it into perspective...i am in pain, i'm sad and lonely, then i go do errands and don't know my way around and then i look around at people and feel out of place. it gets to me.
don;t get me wrong! i have NEVER thought....
thats it! i give up. i'm going back to la, it just wears me down.
it is also strange being in a fairly new relationship, with all that brings and not having the grounding feeling of family and friends.
i also feel like i am struggling with not having a belief system. having had one all of my life, i am accustomed to that. NOT having one feels scary and alienating, and abit dark.
i think i am over winter too. it is SOOOOO pretty but i'm ready for the spring. =-)
i also think in some weird twisted way that because i am in a normal relationship and not a twisted, abusive one that i am freaking out inside because that is so new to me. i find myself responding to things like i am used to but it's not working anymore because this relationship is so different.
also, michael has a very sarcastic sense of humor which generally i am so on top of. it doesn;t phase me and i dish it back but because i am feeling down, it bothers me. i find myself crying at the silliest things.
anyway.
blah, blah, blah!