the graveyard

So me and michael went to the graveyard in sante fe last week with his friends from san diego.
he wanted to see his dad's gravemarker to pay respects and bring his kids and wife there.
i sensed, emptiness, sadness, helplessness, duty, and abit of fear from him and michael as well.
the whole experience made me question my own beliefs.
the belief of the masses brings NO real answers or comfort.
people "deal" with death but don't really get satisfactory answers as to what happens after death or any hope for the future for themselves or comfort for dealing with their grief. i put myself in their shoes and grieve for the living more so than the dead because there is no sufficient answers in traditional religion and belief systems. their "BELIEFS" are more accurately...just what they have been told and they think it should bring them comfort, but they don't question it further and if they do, they don't find any different answer.
having grown up a jehovah's witness i can honestly say that in comparison to other religions i found a REAL answer to these questions, which leaves me in a dilemna.
if people would REALLY look at the bible they would find that what they have been taught isn't even taught in the bible. leaving them at a severe disadvantage.
the idea of "heaven" some what "comforts" people but it is just a "teaching" not necessarily an accuracy!!!
my dilemna then is.... i do not currently belong to a religion and therefore do not neccesarily subscribe to ANY religious teching, BUT, i find that what i have been taught as a witness is more accurate than any other belief i have come across and provides a comfort that i do not see experienced by others.
i find my mind wandering as well...what if i die and leave michael and my kids behind? will i regret not sharing my belief with them?
what if one of them dies? will i regret not sharing my belief with them?
however, because i do not belong to this religion i have been stripped of the privilege of sharing the teachings of it. so i stay quiet out of respect for the god i was raised to believe in.
i am looking for a satisfactory answer.
is belonging to a religion that teaches accuracies of the bible worth being a part of if on the other hand it allows abuses in families and marriages? if so, do i sacrifice my values for a peice of paradise or do i stick to my values and sacrifice my place in that paradise?
still pondering....