my nan called me a couple of days before xmas. she is adorable. she always says, in a soft voice...hello, do you know who this is? i always smile and say....NAN!!!! and she giggles, as if she is surprised that i recognized her voice. she has always been there for us in her own way, not affectionately, she has a hard time saying "i love you" and not monetarily, although, on a couple of occasions, she did send me checks for $200, if i was having hard times, like when i left tom and was living in my car etc.
she has held back a lot because of us being jw's. she has always disliked the religion, altho she has respected us and complimented my mom on how well educated and behaved us kids were. since i have been df'd, she seems to be abit more open to me, or maybe it's the other way around and i am more open to her now. we always held back a little with her, as we did with ANYONE who wasn't a JW.
last year, i sent her a litte care package and card around xmas and she called to thank me. i could tell she was tickled.
this year, when she called, i had just put a card in the mail that day to her and gary. i was able to tell her about the past year, and my miscarriage and trying for babies this next year, and stef's pregnancy. she then called my mom a couple of days later and repeated everything to her. my mom emailed me saying that she "heard" about my miscarriage and trying to have babies. she said...i would love another grandbaby, especially from my firstborn who did so well raising my kids, and i know you will keep trying and succeed."
like my sister says...you never know what reaction your gonna get from my mom. sometimes she is open and loving, other times she is closed and venomous.
anyway, i am most sidetracked....
i went out and got my FUGGS last night. stella and roger got me a sweater from kohls, which i absolutely LOVED, but it was way to small, as usual my boobs busted out of it so i exchanged it for some dark brown UGG like boots from there. the boots were on sale from $60 down to $24.99. so, thank you stella and roger! ;)
we have dave and laurie and their adorable 3 boys in town and went to river of lights last night. it was flippin. friggin, bleepin' cold! it was insane to be out there. it was like 20 degrees and with the windchill, more like 5! seriously! but man, was it beautiful! i am sooooo glad we went! i would have been bummed to have missed it another year. my favorite parts were the raindrops looking lights in the trees, the hummingbirds seemingly flying around, and the kids castle. as you walked through the castle you felt like alice in wonderland. there were labyrinths, giant carrots, mushrooms, eggs, ants etc...there was a room you could walk in that had a swinging disco ball effect so you got dizzy standing there. there was a cavelike area with fiber optic lighing hanging through netting from the ceiling and a grove of trees filled with all different colors of lights. we stood in the middle and blinked really fast and spun around, what an awesome site. the kids loved it too!
anyway, i am being ousted from the computer. michael needs on to take a test and i'm gonna go watch madmen.
peace to all.
Friday, December 31, 2010
Wednesday, December 29, 2010
have you seen the price of gas!?!?!
got half way to work today and michael called to tell me he needed his state capitol keys out of the truck! hmph! turn around, drive ALL the way back to walmart at wyoming and academy! *i'm giving a look* oh well, i got to say goodbye to him twice today! mwah!
Tuesday, December 28, 2010
December 2010...
I am so grateful! SOOOO much has happened this last week i can barely remember it all.
12/16: First, on our last poker night, they all threw me a surprise bday party, with indian tacos, brownies with my name written in candy canes, a really cool gift from julia and ed...baking items, YES! and michael got me season 1 of Madmen! score. i somehow ended up with extra money at the end of the game too! hmmmmm.
12/18: the next night we attended the harmonix christmas dinner, with filet mignon, free drinks, cheesecake...always classy! (i got really nauteos and had to go lay down, but it was still awesome!) I also won a drawing and got $25 gift certificate to Olive Garden.
12/20: on sunday, roger and stella came in from texas, so i went over to meet them. we ended up cooking breakfast over there. very nice. i enjoyed them.
12/22: Last tuesday, was loys bday, so we went to ruby's for brisquet and sausage. YUM! i had been craving farmers sausage for days! PMS.
that night jenn brought me a card and gift for my bday! PERFECT! so cute! a leopard pillow, a fancy wine glass, a crystal bottle stopper and an adorable card. love you sis!
after that roger and stella came over and brought me 2 bday gifts. bev got me my favorite perfume from whole foods, 3 different kinds! and a hawaiin flower for my hair. what a doll. i said..i didn't expect all 3 kinds...she said, thats how much i love you! wow! humbled!
stella and roger picked out an adorable grey sweater with a fur collar. LOVE it! it's a lil small, so i hope i can find a replacement.
12/23: the next day was my actual bday. michael had it off, so we did some xmas shopping and then he treated me to dinner. i chose filet mignon, shrimp, my favorite salad with sparkling juice. we made it at home. roger and stella asked to come over so sadly, it got a little cold and disrupted but, michael always spoils me. i cannot overlook that!
we got in a little argument over xmas and opening gifts early and telling people what i got them....whatever! it passed!
he also got me seasons 2 and 3 of madmen! REALLY!?!?!
12/24: the next day was more shopping, and a nice lunch. michael took me to AA Buffet! LOVE that place!
later that night julia and ed came over for a movie and pizza.. that was nice! xmas eve, friends and relaxing! even tho i was abit stressed out! 8-0~ they brought michael a nice wireless earphone set! wow! i got a mug filled with candies, hot cocoa, irish cream, and a lotto ticket! whoo hoo and also the main gift of all kinds of bath items! that rocked! i use them everyday! julia always knows how to help me relax!
12/25: xmas day! it was abit exhausting, but memorable! =-)
we did lunch at loy and bevs, with jasper and jan joining us as well as tamara and her kids!
we bought the groceries and cooked at our house and brought it over there cuz there place can hold more and they had a xmas tree up.
after lunch we all exchanged gifts.
here's what i got:
4 pair of silver earrings, thank you stella and roger
a hawaiin calendar: thx bev and loy, i use mine at work and love it
a microwave for both of us from all of the mangums and wilsons! wow! thanks!
a nice canvas hawaiin tote: thank you bev and loy!
a wooden frame with a collar decoration for a picture of buddha: thank you bev! perfect! i love it!
a long list of exactly what i've been wanting in my kitchen as far as utensils!
silpat, pastry cutter, pizza cutter, wooden spoons....PERFECT! i am thrilled.
michael got us a vacuum
michael got his side sleep pillow, his slippers, olive oil sprayer, mortar and pestle, to go mugs, julia and ed got him 8 new glasses, 2 mugs, dishtowels and rags, SCORE!
i know he got but i can't remember.
we got a chord of wood from loy!
buddha got ALL kinds of stuff, a new monkey toy, a 2 foot bone, treats, chew toys....SPOILED!
cat got a catnip and a toy! he was in heaven! until buddha stole the toy! REALLY!?!?!
later that night, we wnet to heathers for white elephant and talent show! always a treat!
heather and craig won the talent show with a montage of the past 10 years of xmas parties! perfect!
the white elephant was cut throat as usual! i ended up with 4 free movie tickets and michael got his stripper clock back! yes! score!
leading up to that, michael had gotten a nice set of towels and i had stolen a purple furry throw from nan. bad danielle. but meridee had her man steal it from me. is that fair? (nooooooo)
we also, got the joy of watching everyone open their gifts and a few pix of jordan and chelcie.
the highlite of my night was sitting by michael and he looked at me through the montage, and i could see in his eyes through slight tears, how much he loved me and appreciated that i was there with him, for a second xmas. sometimes, it seems it's like he wakes up and realizes how much time has passed and how many memories we've made, and it hits him how appreciative he is! SMILE
sunday and monday, i really wanted to recoup and pamper myself, but that didn;t happen. it seemed things kept taking over, go here, do that, people over....
oh well!
monday, i gave stella a massage, part of her xmas gift. that night they came for dinner and a movie, i also made her a frame of her dog lucky, like the one i made for pooh!
12/28: tuesday! i took the day off! i am trying to recoup! michael went to work, doggy is outside and here i sit! i slept in til 11:30, started my period. blah!
i got my dummies book ordered! this is good.
i hope to dye my hair and do my toes, clean a little and work on my crafts!
love to all.
friday night is new years eve at heather! mwah!
oh, and not to forget, the awesome care package that annie sent out with pictures, frames...all kinds of fun stuff! mwah!
12/16: First, on our last poker night, they all threw me a surprise bday party, with indian tacos, brownies with my name written in candy canes, a really cool gift from julia and ed...baking items, YES! and michael got me season 1 of Madmen! score. i somehow ended up with extra money at the end of the game too! hmmmmm.
12/18: the next night we attended the harmonix christmas dinner, with filet mignon, free drinks, cheesecake...always classy! (i got really nauteos and had to go lay down, but it was still awesome!) I also won a drawing and got $25 gift certificate to Olive Garden.
12/20: on sunday, roger and stella came in from texas, so i went over to meet them. we ended up cooking breakfast over there. very nice. i enjoyed them.
12/22: Last tuesday, was loys bday, so we went to ruby's for brisquet and sausage. YUM! i had been craving farmers sausage for days! PMS.
that night jenn brought me a card and gift for my bday! PERFECT! so cute! a leopard pillow, a fancy wine glass, a crystal bottle stopper and an adorable card. love you sis!
after that roger and stella came over and brought me 2 bday gifts. bev got me my favorite perfume from whole foods, 3 different kinds! and a hawaiin flower for my hair. what a doll. i said..i didn't expect all 3 kinds...she said, thats how much i love you! wow! humbled!
stella and roger picked out an adorable grey sweater with a fur collar. LOVE it! it's a lil small, so i hope i can find a replacement.
12/23: the next day was my actual bday. michael had it off, so we did some xmas shopping and then he treated me to dinner. i chose filet mignon, shrimp, my favorite salad with sparkling juice. we made it at home. roger and stella asked to come over so sadly, it got a little cold and disrupted but, michael always spoils me. i cannot overlook that!
we got in a little argument over xmas and opening gifts early and telling people what i got them....whatever! it passed!
he also got me seasons 2 and 3 of madmen! REALLY!?!?!
12/24: the next day was more shopping, and a nice lunch. michael took me to AA Buffet! LOVE that place!
later that night julia and ed came over for a movie and pizza.. that was nice! xmas eve, friends and relaxing! even tho i was abit stressed out! 8-0~ they brought michael a nice wireless earphone set! wow! i got a mug filled with candies, hot cocoa, irish cream, and a lotto ticket! whoo hoo and also the main gift of all kinds of bath items! that rocked! i use them everyday! julia always knows how to help me relax!
12/25: xmas day! it was abit exhausting, but memorable! =-)
we did lunch at loy and bevs, with jasper and jan joining us as well as tamara and her kids!
we bought the groceries and cooked at our house and brought it over there cuz there place can hold more and they had a xmas tree up.
after lunch we all exchanged gifts.
here's what i got:
4 pair of silver earrings, thank you stella and roger
a hawaiin calendar: thx bev and loy, i use mine at work and love it
a microwave for both of us from all of the mangums and wilsons! wow! thanks!
a nice canvas hawaiin tote: thank you bev and loy!
a wooden frame with a collar decoration for a picture of buddha: thank you bev! perfect! i love it!
a long list of exactly what i've been wanting in my kitchen as far as utensils!
silpat, pastry cutter, pizza cutter, wooden spoons....PERFECT! i am thrilled.
michael got us a vacuum
michael got his side sleep pillow, his slippers, olive oil sprayer, mortar and pestle, to go mugs, julia and ed got him 8 new glasses, 2 mugs, dishtowels and rags, SCORE!
i know he got but i can't remember.
we got a chord of wood from loy!
buddha got ALL kinds of stuff, a new monkey toy, a 2 foot bone, treats, chew toys....SPOILED!
cat got a catnip and a toy! he was in heaven! until buddha stole the toy! REALLY!?!?!
later that night, we wnet to heathers for white elephant and talent show! always a treat!
heather and craig won the talent show with a montage of the past 10 years of xmas parties! perfect!
the white elephant was cut throat as usual! i ended up with 4 free movie tickets and michael got his stripper clock back! yes! score!
leading up to that, michael had gotten a nice set of towels and i had stolen a purple furry throw from nan. bad danielle. but meridee had her man steal it from me. is that fair? (nooooooo)
we also, got the joy of watching everyone open their gifts and a few pix of jordan and chelcie.
the highlite of my night was sitting by michael and he looked at me through the montage, and i could see in his eyes through slight tears, how much he loved me and appreciated that i was there with him, for a second xmas. sometimes, it seems it's like he wakes up and realizes how much time has passed and how many memories we've made, and it hits him how appreciative he is! SMILE
sunday and monday, i really wanted to recoup and pamper myself, but that didn;t happen. it seemed things kept taking over, go here, do that, people over....
oh well!
monday, i gave stella a massage, part of her xmas gift. that night they came for dinner and a movie, i also made her a frame of her dog lucky, like the one i made for pooh!
12/28: tuesday! i took the day off! i am trying to recoup! michael went to work, doggy is outside and here i sit! i slept in til 11:30, started my period. blah!
i got my dummies book ordered! this is good.
i hope to dye my hair and do my toes, clean a little and work on my crafts!
love to all.
friday night is new years eve at heather! mwah!
oh, and not to forget, the awesome care package that annie sent out with pictures, frames...all kinds of fun stuff! mwah!
Monday, December 6, 2010
blabber, blabber...
fri-toes, vicoden, get check, neck hurts, massages, no money for x-mas, bad moods, lost at poker, peppermint tea....ahhhh! crying, more bad moods, hurt feelings,abcesses, shock collars, marriages ending, a clean house, a new sewing machine,
=-(
not all me! just things i observed over the weekend.
i wish i could meet king solomon, his words are always in my conciousness. he was an observer of life, and his conclusions were practical, valid and wise. nothing changes. it's the same story over and over, just in a different package.
i smile. the clear wisdoms of the universe make me smile. when you have these in your arsenal, no matter how bad things get, you can still smile.
unless it has to do with hormones. lol
but even then, if you KNOW whats causing it, you can relax and let it pass. SMILE.
=-(
not all me! just things i observed over the weekend.
i wish i could meet king solomon, his words are always in my conciousness. he was an observer of life, and his conclusions were practical, valid and wise. nothing changes. it's the same story over and over, just in a different package.
i smile. the clear wisdoms of the universe make me smile. when you have these in your arsenal, no matter how bad things get, you can still smile.
unless it has to do with hormones. lol
but even then, if you KNOW whats causing it, you can relax and let it pass. SMILE.
Thursday, November 25, 2010
my valued libby...
what a joy she has been to me! she is my office manager, and somehow we have a psychic connection. not sure how or why but i consistanly pick up on her energies, thoughts, feeling etc.
anyway, recently she treated me to a linch red lobster for a delicious meal and delightful conversation. she had a few things she wanted to talk about and as usual, it was enlightening and i am grateful for her. it reminds me a bible verse: one mans face sharpens that of another"
she also recently dropped by a cactus start as a thoughtful gift because of my miscarriage and today it bloomed 7 flower buds! =-)
thank you my libby!
anyway, recently she treated me to a linch red lobster for a delicious meal and delightful conversation. she had a few things she wanted to talk about and as usual, it was enlightening and i am grateful for her. it reminds me a bible verse: one mans face sharpens that of another"
she also recently dropped by a cactus start as a thoughtful gift because of my miscarriage and today it bloomed 7 flower buds! =-)
thank you my libby!
Tuesday, November 23, 2010
mr. mangum's 44th b-day!!!
as a disclaimer, i am NOT complaining, just sharing my humorous observations. (incase you read this bev! i love you!)
so, last year, i planned a birthday surprise b-day party for michael. we usually play poker on fridays so instead of the regular group, i invited family, friends etc. it turned out VERY nice except for the fact that michael HATES surprises and FORBADE me to do it again! (i probably still will, after all, next year is 45! hehehe!)
anyway, so this year, i decided, a nice quiet b-day, i'll make his favorite meal, lamb with asparagus, dolamdes, roasted potatoes, apple crisp and pumpkin ice crean with chunks of new york cheesecake in it, sparkiling apple cider.... i got him an extra special gift, even bought some lingerie, red, burlesquish with fishnets and stilletos which i was gonna cook in and surprise him (i'm not a huge lingerie girl, i always feel lame). i planned a fire in the fireplace, special lighting, inscense, paid extra for the shipping of his gift so it would get here in time, give him a massage and bonus stuff...fill in the blanks!)...you know....dani the party planner.....and a little jaeger to take my edge off! =-)
so how is how it really went...lol!
i go shopping for the meal, i get home and michael ahs gotten home early! 3 o'clock! okay cool! i can roll with it! hey, it's his birthday, he got off early! cool!
he say's, so who's coming tonight? i say...no-one! it's just you and me babe!
he says, oh my mom and dad aren't invited? i say....well, i wasn't planning on it, did you want them to come?
he says...oh! i just didn't know what was going on!
michaels mom calls wondering if she is supposed to come over because michael had talked to her and said...."i'll see you later!" ..so i invite her and loy over. of course they are invited if thats what michael wants and his parents are alwsys invited! i adore them.
so i raost the lamb and.....overdo it! boo! it was fine, but not moist and tender!
michaels gift never comes in, even though i paid $20 extra to get it here in time! BOO!
then, i tell him what my real plan was....to wear lingerie, cook dinner, have a candlelit dinner....he says...well, you can go put it on now! BOO!
not so much in the mood now!
then he says...well, you can wear it at valentines day!
BOO! too far away!
so after, chillin abit (and fox news! his favorite show) i go into the bathroom and get all pretty! lingerie, fishnets, stilleto's, perfume....i come out and he is in bed, buddha attacks me, tears a huge hole in one fishnet leg with his claws and another huge hole in the other leg by biting me!
ooohhhhh! NOT sexy! TRASHY!!!!)
so, the moral of the story?
IDK! nothing really went according to plan!
you just gotta live in the moment and roll with it! LOL!
so, last year, i planned a birthday surprise b-day party for michael. we usually play poker on fridays so instead of the regular group, i invited family, friends etc. it turned out VERY nice except for the fact that michael HATES surprises and FORBADE me to do it again! (i probably still will, after all, next year is 45! hehehe!)
anyway, so this year, i decided, a nice quiet b-day, i'll make his favorite meal, lamb with asparagus, dolamdes, roasted potatoes, apple crisp and pumpkin ice crean with chunks of new york cheesecake in it, sparkiling apple cider.... i got him an extra special gift, even bought some lingerie, red, burlesquish with fishnets and stilletos which i was gonna cook in and surprise him (i'm not a huge lingerie girl, i always feel lame). i planned a fire in the fireplace, special lighting, inscense, paid extra for the shipping of his gift so it would get here in time, give him a massage and bonus stuff...fill in the blanks!)...you know....dani the party planner.....and a little jaeger to take my edge off! =-)
so how is how it really went...lol!
i go shopping for the meal, i get home and michael ahs gotten home early! 3 o'clock! okay cool! i can roll with it! hey, it's his birthday, he got off early! cool!
he say's, so who's coming tonight? i say...no-one! it's just you and me babe!
he says, oh my mom and dad aren't invited? i say....well, i wasn't planning on it, did you want them to come?
he says...oh! i just didn't know what was going on!
michaels mom calls wondering if she is supposed to come over because michael had talked to her and said...."i'll see you later!" ..so i invite her and loy over. of course they are invited if thats what michael wants and his parents are alwsys invited! i adore them.
so i raost the lamb and.....overdo it! boo! it was fine, but not moist and tender!
michaels gift never comes in, even though i paid $20 extra to get it here in time! BOO!
then, i tell him what my real plan was....to wear lingerie, cook dinner, have a candlelit dinner....he says...well, you can go put it on now! BOO!
not so much in the mood now!
then he says...well, you can wear it at valentines day!
BOO! too far away!
so after, chillin abit (and fox news! his favorite show) i go into the bathroom and get all pretty! lingerie, fishnets, stilleto's, perfume....i come out and he is in bed, buddha attacks me, tears a huge hole in one fishnet leg with his claws and another huge hole in the other leg by biting me!
ooohhhhh! NOT sexy! TRASHY!!!!)
so, the moral of the story?
IDK! nothing really went according to plan!
you just gotta live in the moment and roll with it! LOL!
Wednesday, November 3, 2010
INSIGHT...
it fascinates me how many insights humans can have throughout a lifetime! we just go along with life as we know how and all of a sudden something happens and you realize that you have been absorbing things you didn't know and or overlooking things you had no idea were there. INSIGHT!
HUMANS! we are quite the inigma. and it makes me smile.
we get caught up in our lives and heads and twisted emotions sometimes and our perspective is skewed and then all of a sudden something happens and it's all clear! and it happens over and over again throughout our life. it is an exciting journey.
and i am grateful that i am in a place where i can accept that about me. for many years i hated myself for the transformations. i thought i must be crazy! well, thats what my mom told me! and maybe i am a little, but i like that part of me! =-)
and we depend so much on the opinion of others for a guide to OUR path! but when you finally just let go and do your thing you are happy and everyone around seems to breathe a sigh of relief too and amazingly....accepts you!
recently, i expereinced a miscarriage. i didn't know i was preggers even though i was noticing some odd symptoms, no appetite, getting nauteous at smells, my skin was clearing up, boobs getting huge....about the time i was going...hey! i may be pregnant, all of a sudden i started feeling REALLY ill, as in something was wrong. i got clammy, white, nauteous, extremely hormonal and a few days later expelled my insides. during the experience, i had a lot of time to reflect on what i really want out of life. up to then i was just kinda going along, status quo, just waiting to see what happens but as i layed there for a few days i heard myself yelling at me! lol!
IF YOU REALLY WANT THIS WHY AREN'T YOU ACTING LIKE IT? WHY IS PART OF YOU HOLDING BACK AND HOLDING ON TO THIS IDEA THAT YOU CAN'T HAVE WHAT YOU WANT? WHY DO YOU HOLD YOURSELF BACK FROM MICHAEL? WHY ARE YOU BASICALLY SABOTAGING YOURSELF WITH THE IDEA THAT IT WILL NEVER HAPPEN AND YOUR GONNA DIE YOUNG ANYWAY AND YOUR MAN DOESN'T REALLY LOVE YOU AND IS GONNA DITCH YOU ANYWAY.
it was a huge wake up call! this is the belief i carry around!
WHY? why in the world would i want to live dragging that deep seated belief around? and i didn't even realize i was holding this belief.
INSIGHT!
i felt changed. i felt peace, i felt, joy, life, energy and a hope that i haven't felt in 10 years! i am thankful!
it allowed me to have a very frank talk with michael and it brought us closer and it has motivated me to live a healthier lifestyle. it made me realize that i LOVE my life and my man and i am gonna live it, even if it is at the risk of it not being returned, thats what IIIII want. and guess what? it is being returned! michael has changed. HE is happier, HE is more joyful and at peace and HE wants to be healthier and it occurs to me how much of an impact WE have on those around us!
INSIGHT!
this led me to reflect on how i got HERE! at this moment and this experience.
i knew enough to know that soemthing was wrong with my life 10 years ago, and i kept knowing enough to keep searching. as ive said before, i knew enough to get HERE and when i actually stop to look around...i HAVE what ive been looking for!
INSIGHT!
somehow, i got HERE! =-)
and despite the ups and downs of "life" i am grateful for michael, his family, our home, his consistancy, his gentleness, kindness, his humility, our dog and cat, my beautiful friends, my job and so much more.
HUMANS! we are quite the inigma. and it makes me smile.
we get caught up in our lives and heads and twisted emotions sometimes and our perspective is skewed and then all of a sudden something happens and it's all clear! and it happens over and over again throughout our life. it is an exciting journey.
and i am grateful that i am in a place where i can accept that about me. for many years i hated myself for the transformations. i thought i must be crazy! well, thats what my mom told me! and maybe i am a little, but i like that part of me! =-)
and we depend so much on the opinion of others for a guide to OUR path! but when you finally just let go and do your thing you are happy and everyone around seems to breathe a sigh of relief too and amazingly....accepts you!
recently, i expereinced a miscarriage. i didn't know i was preggers even though i was noticing some odd symptoms, no appetite, getting nauteous at smells, my skin was clearing up, boobs getting huge....about the time i was going...hey! i may be pregnant, all of a sudden i started feeling REALLY ill, as in something was wrong. i got clammy, white, nauteous, extremely hormonal and a few days later expelled my insides. during the experience, i had a lot of time to reflect on what i really want out of life. up to then i was just kinda going along, status quo, just waiting to see what happens but as i layed there for a few days i heard myself yelling at me! lol!
IF YOU REALLY WANT THIS WHY AREN'T YOU ACTING LIKE IT? WHY IS PART OF YOU HOLDING BACK AND HOLDING ON TO THIS IDEA THAT YOU CAN'T HAVE WHAT YOU WANT? WHY DO YOU HOLD YOURSELF BACK FROM MICHAEL? WHY ARE YOU BASICALLY SABOTAGING YOURSELF WITH THE IDEA THAT IT WILL NEVER HAPPEN AND YOUR GONNA DIE YOUNG ANYWAY AND YOUR MAN DOESN'T REALLY LOVE YOU AND IS GONNA DITCH YOU ANYWAY.
it was a huge wake up call! this is the belief i carry around!
WHY? why in the world would i want to live dragging that deep seated belief around? and i didn't even realize i was holding this belief.
INSIGHT!
i felt changed. i felt peace, i felt, joy, life, energy and a hope that i haven't felt in 10 years! i am thankful!
it allowed me to have a very frank talk with michael and it brought us closer and it has motivated me to live a healthier lifestyle. it made me realize that i LOVE my life and my man and i am gonna live it, even if it is at the risk of it not being returned, thats what IIIII want. and guess what? it is being returned! michael has changed. HE is happier, HE is more joyful and at peace and HE wants to be healthier and it occurs to me how much of an impact WE have on those around us!
INSIGHT!
this led me to reflect on how i got HERE! at this moment and this experience.
i knew enough to know that soemthing was wrong with my life 10 years ago, and i kept knowing enough to keep searching. as ive said before, i knew enough to get HERE and when i actually stop to look around...i HAVE what ive been looking for!
INSIGHT!
somehow, i got HERE! =-)
and despite the ups and downs of "life" i am grateful for michael, his family, our home, his consistancy, his gentleness, kindness, his humility, our dog and cat, my beautiful friends, my job and so much more.
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