CMC

a new term to me....
Cult Mind Control....
i would have NEVER thought that i fit into this category....but i had a friend of a friend write a thesis on this subject and i read it! it was soooooo enlightening! according to the thesis...JW's match all of the 8 criteria for CMC, which equals...a very destructive mind control religion....
hmmmmmmmm.
i still get a little defensive at this term.
afterall, i was devout for....my whole life!!! and defended it with my life.
after my experience however, i am not so sure anymore!
all of the lingo, and terms always ring in my ears as if they are truth..."they are not a cult, it is truth, everyone else is wrong, god will work it out, this is the only way!".... i used ot be soooo convinced! but my body and mind told a different story!
all i know is, i kept feeling less and less like myself. and i would look around and see so many UN-HAPPY people as part of the religion...but we kept being told...trust in god...or are you hindering the spirit in some way?
well, of course i was......because i had left my ABUSIVE husband, and was advised to go back and when i didn't i got the boot!
i was on so many meds cuz i was soooo unhappy, i was depressed, suicidal, and my doctor was saying...leave him or i will not treat you anymore!....
them i ended up in a hospital with an emotional breakdown!
at that point i sadi to myself....stay here and die or get and live your life!
it became very clear to me that i was ignoring MYSELF, and for many, many years! i had completely learned to ignore my inner voice and authentic self! which equalled SICKNESS!!!
this thesis, covered the points of CMC and how to identify it....and then covered the steps to overcoming CMC! it was very revealing to me!
i remember thinking after i had my breakdown/breakthrough that the LAST thing i needed was religion! (even though what kept running in my head was...go to meetings...it's the only answer!) at a very primal level, i needed a place to live, a job, food, them maybe new friends, a HOME, a relationship, intimacy and LASTLY...god.
a friend told me about...maslow's heirarchy of needs! ahhhhhh!
there it was!
thank goodness i learned to listen to my inner voice! not totally, but enough to know better than what i had been programmed to believe for so long!
why oh why were so many JW's so sick, and depressed, and lonely, and sad, etc.....if they belonged to the only true religion and god was blessing only them??
it never made sense!!!
anyway....after the fact...( i will fill the rest at another time) i have gone through periods of depression, loss of self worth, dread over my future, lack of social skills etc....
ALL of which were covered in this thesis!
"steps to overcoming CMC"
suddenly i felt a relief! and tears! =-)
i'm not crazy!?!?!?
awesome!